The Digital Umbilical Cord

“Mom, I’m the only one of my friends who doesn’t have email!”  For months, that was the standard complaint from my ten-year-old daughter.  At first it was a gross exaggeration.  Only one of her friends had an email account, so this girl could just email herself.  But over time, more and more 4^th graders got their much anticipated email addresses.  By the summer, my daughter really was the only one without email.

I have enough trouble with my own email.  I’m always worried about being hacked, defrauded, fleeced, duped or otherwise conned.  So I found the idea of my baby on email to be absolutely terrifying.  I was convinced that a Nigerian scam artist pornographer would be sending her communiques within minutes.

Luckily, my friend Stephanie told me about Zoobah, a kid-safe, ad-free email service, which was a wonderful compromise.  Zoobah is basically My First Email.  It has all sorts of parental controls, so you can spy on your child as much as you want. 

I set up my daughter’s email account so that I could control her contact list (she couldn't send or receive email from anyone I hadn't vetted).  I also opted for copies of all her incoming and outgoing messages.  Once I had her account up and running, I sat back and prepared myself for some serious surveillance.  However, all my security precautions proved a little unnecessary.  So far, her email conversations have gone something like this:

“I am excited for the weekend.”

“Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“:)”

“I have to go to my brother’s soccer game.”

“Yep.” 

Scandalous stuff.  I'm blessed that my gal has very wholesome friends.  No 5^th grade Satan worshipers, drug addicts or car thieves.  So for now, I can relax a bit, and even skip over some of the cc’ed messages that appear in my inbox.  But middle school is less than a year away, and I know I’ll be back on high alert.  Because, as one of her fellow Girl Scouts said, hootchie mamas go to middle school.  And you can’t be too careful.